I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
