the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something