Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
