mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.