They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
