I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
