the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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