at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
