that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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