are you still at the devil's house?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
