I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
