apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
do herpes really smell.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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