FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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