You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
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