dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
