And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
you had me at cake vodka
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Dicks are not precious.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
