he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
