I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
