my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
