mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just googled if crying burns calories
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I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
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There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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