in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
