Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
