my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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