I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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