Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
