I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
