Swine flu. Run for my life!
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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