I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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