if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
