Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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