Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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