Can i not drive my cunt home
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
