I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
