CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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