if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
