You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
did you just send me my own nude
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
