I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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