so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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