woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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