Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
