just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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