i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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