there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
