Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
