Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
