Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
