ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
