I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
