I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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