I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
bring money and cleavage
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
