That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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