Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
