i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Randomize
