please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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