i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
