Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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