I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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