I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
