Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
