I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
