Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
