she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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