Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
