Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize