I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
