so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
there is puke in my bra ... again
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
