I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
