I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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