Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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