matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
