Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
