i may or may not be watching the land before time
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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