You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize