I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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