the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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