i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
