Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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