We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
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No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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