This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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