theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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