Are we in a gay sports bar?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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