you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
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pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
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OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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