Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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