does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
